16 - Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully reads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day.

15 - Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day.

14 - Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of Poland.

13 - When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing with yarn.

12 - Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets, and nine suicide bombs.

11 - What you thought was "heat" is actually a four-legged goose step.

10 - Well, *somebody* subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination.

9 - Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals "tattoo" to be blueprint of the UN Building.

8 - Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap.

7 - Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out "Drop the car keys and leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head."

6 - Then -- dead mice in the kitchen. Now -- dead third world  dictators in the basement.

5 - Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some kind of "land mine" technology.

4 - Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23.

3 - Has recently been acting somewhat... aloof.

2 - What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes up for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Plotting World Domination...

1 - Somehow, you're now subscribed to "Pussy of Fortune" magazine.

Copyright 1999 by Chris White

The Top 5 List, www.topfive.com